


Tortured

by Adeline_Wrights_Fanfiction



Series: Love's Garden AU [12]
Category: RWBY
Genre: F/F, Yang has hallucinations of sexual assault, references to a past suicide attempt, schizoaffective!Yang
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:01:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21531889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adeline_Wrights_Fanfiction/pseuds/Adeline_Wrights_Fanfiction
Summary: Another sleepless night of dreading nightmares has Weiss restless in Ruby's arms. After so many hours of silence in the dark, Ruby tries to console Weiss by talking about her sister, who suffers nightmares of her own.New –Chapter : Interlude - Maelstrom
Relationships: Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long, Ruby Rose/Weiss Schnee
Series: Love's Garden AU [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1545730
Comments: 39
Kudos: 102





	1. Chapter 1

Weiss Schnee was often restless at night. This much was nothing new to her partner. There were often nights where the girl would toss and turn in Ruby’s arms, lying first as the little spoon, then twisting to press her front into Ruby’s warmth. Back and forth, back and forth. Weiss’s legs would tangle and untangle themselves with Ruby’s. They would kick off the blankets when she felt too warm, or tuck them tightly beneath her like a cocoon when she was in greater distress.

Ruby Rose was a patient girl when it came to her partner and nothing else. She never minded Weiss’s tossing and turning. She even welcomed it once she realized how normal it was for her. When they had first started sharing a bed, Weiss had been incredibly self-conscious about her lack of stillness, but it only served to give them another thing to bond over—while Ruby was able to lie still enough at night, her partner knew full well her anxious jitters and endless energy during the day.

Tonight, though, Weiss was uncomfortable. Ruby could tell from her movements that she was struggling just to keep herself in Ruby’s arms and not pace about in their living room or sit at the desk to write. Wordlessly, Ruby did her best to soothe her partner. Forehead kisses; gentle fingers running through the silk of her hair; humming lullabies from her childhood. Weiss was wordless as well, basking in Ruby’s affection but ultimately unable to settle.

When at last Weiss had given up on sleep, she opened her eyes to stare at the clock. 2:44 AM.

“Ruby?” Weiss called out to her partner with guilt in her voice.

“Yes, Weiss?” Ruby, ever patient, answered in a tone that immediately absolved her partner.

“I can’t sleep,” Weiss said, squirming again in Ruby’s arms.

“I can tell.” Ruby laughed, rolling onto her back and dragging Weiss to lay atop her stomach.

“I’m so sorry for keeping you awake.”

“I don’t mind,” Ruby said. “I honestly feel better rested awake in your arms than asleep and lost to the moonlight. Is something troubling you?”

Weiss sighed. “Only the fear of nightmares and the stress of the day.”

Ruby set the palm of her hand to pressing small circles into Weiss’ lower back. “The day is done, my love. As for the nightmares…”

“There is no reprieve,” Weiss muttered.

Ruby frowned. “How much have I told you about Yang?”

“Your sister?” Weiss arched an eyebrow against Ruby’s collar. “Only that she struggled with severe depression after losing her arm in a car crash, that she lives out in the country near your father, and that she is the epitome of a tortured artist.”

With a heavy sigh, Ruby held Weiss a little closer. “Would you mind if I told you a little more about her? And why you haven’t met her yet?”

Weiss reciprocated the added strength of their embrace, brows knitted in concern. “Of course, Ruby. I love hearing you talk about your family. I always wondered why you kept so quiet about your sister.”

“Yang is special,” Ruby began carefully. “Her struggle with depression wasn’t her first battle with mental illness. She’s been fighting back against shadows all her life.”

Pondering at the poetry of her partner’s words, Weiss gave Ruby's shoulders a reassuring squeeze, encouraging her to continue.

“Yang wasn’t officially diagnosed until a few years ago – couldn’t be, really, because of Atlesian law – but she was an early-onset case of schizoaffective disorder. She’s got all the hallucinations and delusions that come with schizophrenia, but in exchange for being generally more lucid, she also has frequent struggles with anxiety, depression, mania… honestly, without knowing exactly how it works, it sounds like the gods just went through the kitchen sink when she was being born and said, ‘Yep. Let’s give her this. This too. Ooh! This looks nasty. Add it to the list.’”

Weiss chuckled at Ruby’s silly way of describing something so hard to put into words. She kissed her partner’s collar and nuzzled against her for warmth. “It sounds like she’s been through hell.”

“She has,” Ruby agreed. “More than I can ever imagine. She has nightmares like yours, you know.”

Weiss stilled for several long moments. “Really?”

“Mhmm. She has nightmares of all sorts. Sometimes while she’s still awake…”

Weiss started when she heard sniffling, felt the tiny hiccups in Ruby’s chest. “Ruby...”

“I’m okay. I just… I wanted you to know. There’s so much more to her illness though—beautiful, indescribable things. When Yang is well enough, I want her to be able to tell you herself.”

“May I ask why I still haven’t met her? I met Taiyang a month ago now. You taught me sign language for months so that I could make a good impression on your father.”

“And so I can flirt with you while we work in the library!”

Weiss laughed, her chest feeling light for the first time since she woke yesterday morning. 

“And that,” Weiss admitted with a smile. “So what’s been going on with your sister. Is Yang okay?”

Ruby trembled in Weiss’s arms. “She… she tried to kill herself a few months ago. She was living on her own for several years. We were so proud of her for pushing for independence and thriving on it. But something happened – Dad still hasn’t told me exactly what – and Yang ended up spiraling. By the time we realized how desperate she was, it was already too late. Dad got a call from the hospital saying they had admitted her and asked if any of her family could come for her.”

“I’m so sorry,” Weiss said, holding Ruby like both their lives depended on it. “I hope I never put you through that same sort of pain.”

“That’s why I was so happy when you agreed to start therapy,” Ruby smiled.

Weiss smiled back, knowing Ruby’s expression even without seeing her face. “Thank you for pushing me. And for respecting my boundaries even as you did so. Hearing you give me a way out even after you made that first appointment made me feel worlds safer.”

Ruby nodded wordlessly into Weiss’s hair, resting her cheek atop Weiss’s head when she settled.

“So when’s the last time you saw your sister?”

“Over summer break before we moved in together,” Ruby said.

“Ruby, that was seven months ago! She must miss you dearly.”

“And I miss her. Oh, Weiss! School is the worst sometimes. I just want to go home and be there to support her, but I can’t abandon my studies.”

“I understand that all too well,” Weiss grumbled, exhausted by the very idea of her unfinished thesis. Weiss had only gone on to study Dust engineering in anticipation of one day taking over her father’s company, but… well, so much for that.

“Yang has been really struggling to bounce back from this,” Ruby said. “She’s been so wracked with guilt over what she did that she’s afraid to go back out on her own.”

“All the more reason to make time to see her.”

Ruby sounded hopeful. “Do you mean it?”

“Ruby, you’ve skipped lectures for me on my worst days. I’m certain I can help you arrange some time off with your professors so we can go visit her. That is to say… if I would be welcome to come with you?”

“Weiss, that’s not something you should have to ask. We’re partners. You’re family now. Even Dad said so.”

Weiss smiled, glancing absently at the clock. 3:56 AM.

“Thank you, Ruby.” She glanced at the clock again. “It’s almost four in the morning, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep tonight. Would you mind if I got up now?”

“If I got up with you, would you help me start making plans to see Dad and Yang?”

“You really miss them,” Weiss said.

“So, so very much. I want to be there for her, Weiss. Like I’m there for you. She’s the only sister I’ve got.”

Weiss hummed a determined, bittersweet breath. “Then let’s start by looking at your schedule for the rest of the semester. We’ll send out emails to all your professors once we’ve found a good window. How much time do you want to spend at home?”

Ruby wondered aloud as she climbed out of bed. “I don’t know. A week?”

Weiss stretched her tired bones and flashed Ruby her first true smile of the day. “You know, I’ve always wanted to take a vacation out in the country.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like Weiss should have known about Yang's suicide attempt already if she and Ruby had been dating for a few months by the time it happened, but I just couldn't figure out a way to weave it in. A personal failing on my end, and for that I apologize.


	2. Sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After making their preparations and traveling out to Argus, Ruby and Weiss settle in at the Xiao Long household where Yang introduces Weiss to her wife, Blake.

Ruby watched her father signing animatedly to her through her scroll propped up against Weiss’s desk. He didn’t bother to speak the words aloud, but Ruby understood him clearly:

“You actually have an entire week off from classes? Of course you’re welcome home for the break! Your sister will be so happy to see you.”

Ruby broke into a sad, silly smile as she shifted through so many emotions. “I don’t have an actual ‘break’ break. When I finally told Weiss about what happened with Yang and how much I miss her, she helped me arrange the time off with my professors. She’s coming with me if that’s alright.”

Taiyang broke out into laughter that hinted at his years of lost hearing with a distinct bray. “After hearing you say that? She is absolutely welcome. You know I would have said ‘yes’ either way, but it was very considerate of you to ask.”

Ruby smiled at her father’s kindness.

“Is it safe to assume we won’t be needing an extra room?”

A blush, a shy smile, and Ruby responded, “We can share my old room.”

Taiyang laughed again and said, “Well, you know a little noise won’t bother me but do try to keep it down for your sister, yeah?”

“ _Dad!!_ ”Ruby was mortified at her father for making _that_ joke.

More happy laughter as Taiyang signed, “Text me the details of your train and we’ll be there to meet you when you arrive. I love you, Ruby. I can't wait to see you both.”

_I can’t wait to see you both._

Her father had only met Weiss on one occasion, spent only a single afternoon with her, but her love for Ruby was so profound and so reciprocated that Taiyang had immediately accepted her as a daughter. When Weiss had boldly announced her intentions to someday marry Ruby – that they would wait at the very least until they had both finished school, and that Weiss intended to earn his blessing as well as Yang’s – Tai knew just how committed they were to each other.

He didn’t need much more convincing than Weiss’s self-introduction in sign language, practiced to perfection under Ruby’s tutelage, but that bit of their conversation certainly sealed the deal for him. As long as Weiss continued to treat Ruby with the love and respect she displayed on that day, she would have his blessing for Ruby's hand the moment she was ready to ask.

* * *

Ruby and Weiss sat side by side in the train car shuttling them out to the port town of Argus. Their ultimate destination lay several miles inward, but this was the closest they could get by train.

Despite insisting that Ruby take the window seat in their aisle, Weiss’s gaze remained transfixed on the fertile farmland of Mantle the moment they had left the walls of Atlas.

“It’s so beautiful,” Weiss said. “I’ve never seen so much open space.”

Ruby quirked an eyebrow at her girlfriend. “Haven’t you ever been outside the city before?”

Weiss shook her head sadly. “My father kept me something of a caged bird. I would have fled to somewhere far away the moment I tore myself away from him, but I still had my doctorate to complete. Still do,” she added bitterly. “I suppose I could have transferred schools and started over or even just done something entirely different, but…”

“But?” Ruby asked.

With a blush and a lopsided smile, Weiss set her hand upon Ruby’s. “Then I never would have met you.”

The two girls lost themselves in each other’s gaze for so long they almost didn’t notice the train slowing down. It wasn’t until the voice crackling to life over the comm speakers announced their arrival in Argus that the two broke eye contact.

All smiles and giddy from their eternity of peaceful reverie, Ruby had almost forgotten the entire point of their trip. But as soon as she saw her father and sister waiting for them at the exit to the train platform, Ruby nearly took off into a run, dragging Weiss by the hand towards the familiar faces.

“Daaaad! Yaaang!” She waved her free hand so enthusiastically Weiss worried she’d shake off her shoulder bag.

“Ruby, w-wait! Slow down!”

Weiss didn’t get dragged for long, because Yang ran forward to meet her sister halfway. Ruby let go of Weiss’s hand and dropped her bag at the last moment and threw her arms around her sister the moment she could reach out to her.

“Yang! Oh, I’ve missed you so much!”

“Me too, Ruby. It’s so good to see you, sis’.” She loosened her one-armed bear hug on Ruby for long enough to look towards Weiss. Yang flashed the girl a confident smile. “Hug or a handshake, Princess?”

Weiss took a good look at Yang, her mane of glorious golden hair down to her knees, jacket sleeve tied into a knot at her right elbow. There would never be a worry about awkward left-handed handshakes for Weiss—Her partner often joked that her full name was Weiss “Hugs Please” Schnee and, true to form, Weiss surged forth to embrace Yang.

The blonde was surprised by her forwardness, pressing her left arm against Weiss’s back and holding her close. Yang would have felt ill at ease embracing a perfect stranger, but Ruby had secretly gushed so much to her while she was away from Weiss between lectures that she felt more like she was meeting a long lost sibling. When Weiss pulled away, sniffling and holding back tears, Yang’s eyes went wide.

“You okay there, Princess?”

Weiss shook herself to calm her nerves. “Yes. My apologies, Yang. I’ve just… I’ve never been able to hug my own sister like that. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Yang reached in for another quick, tight hug, and said, “It’s nice to finally meet you, Weiss. Ruby’s told me so much about you.”

“Has she now?” Weiss quirked her scarred brow and turned to see Ruby and Taiyang wordlessly signing to each other. She could just barely make out snippets of conversation, but their hands were a little too quick for her untrained eye.

Ruby caught Weiss out of her periphery and turned to face her, eyes beaming with love and adoration.

Taiyang signed slower to Weiss and said aloud, “It’s so good to have you with us, Weiss. Thank you for helping bring my daughter home to me for a week.” He opened his arms to Weiss, and she rushed into them for another warm hug.

After a long moment of Weiss feeling overwhelmed with a familial love she had never before known, she wiped at her eyes and stood back, smiling each in turn to Yang, Taiyang, and Ruby.

“Alright,” Taiyang said, rolling his shoulders. “We ready to head out?” I promise things will be much cozier when we get home. There’ll be plenty of time to catch up once we’re settled.”

Weiss nodded, and Ruby hurried to pick up her discarded luggage.

The train station was small, and before long the four of them were met with the salt of a fresh ocean breeze. Weiss was stunned by her view of the shoreline.

“I’ve… I’ve never seen the ocean before.”

Ruby kissed her partner on the cheek and said, “We can make a day out of it if you’d like. We don’t live far from the water.”

“I’d like that,” Weiss mused.

“Come on,” Yang motioned with her good arm. “The car’s over this way.”

* * *

Ruby was the first one through the door when they arrived at the Xiao Long household, throwing her bag down by the entrance and diving nearly headfirst onto the fluffy sunflower-yellow couch in the main room.

“I’m hooooome!” She sang, cuddling one of the couch cushions as a child would a teddy bear.

“It’s a shame you couldn’t bring Zwei with you this time,” Yang said, chuckling at her sister’s antics.

Weiss rolled her eyes. “Well, they wouldn’t let us bring more than one puppy on the train.”

Yang turned and stared at Weiss in shock.

Weiss wilted under her gaze. “Umm… I’m… sorry?”

Laughter soon filled the room as Yang threw her head back and struggled between breaths to say, “Ruby, she’s got you pegged. I already love this girl.”

“Yaaaaang,” Ruby whined, but she smiled at Weiss when the girl caught her gaze.

Yang quickly signed something about a dog to Taiyang as he closed the front door behind him. He laughed almost as hard as Yang had—Weiss assumed the elder sister had relayed her joke.

Tai stood smiling at his daughters and hopeful daughter-to-be. There was a look of unmistakable pride in his eyes as he signed, slowly for Weiss, “Snow White, please make yourself at home. So long as you treat Ruby right, you will always be welcome here.”

Weiss teared up a bit as he spoke, reaching out to squeeze Ruby’s hand.

“I’ve got some work I need to take care of for now,” he continued. “Think about what you want for dinner. I’ll be out back if you need me.”

And with that, he walked down the hall leading out of the main room, leaving the three girls in the large, open living room and kitchen.

“So,” Yang grinned. “Who wants to go first?” She walked towards one end of the couch, Ruby scooting over to the middle and patting the opposite end so Weiss could sit near her.

“Yang, I haven’t talked to you in like a month! Tell me what you’ve been up to! And don’t be shy about Weiss. She’s sweet.”

Weiss took her seat at Ruby’s side, leaning into her shoulder. “This is Yang being _shy?_ ”

Yang scratched her head bashfully. Ruby knew what Yang wanted to talk about—what her older sister _always_ wanted to talk about.

“How’s Blake?” Ruby asked, eyes warm, “Do you want to introduce her to Weiss, or is it too soon?”

Yang’s eyes flicked from Ruby to Weiss and back again. There was an eagerness in the way her muscles were coiled.

“Or maybe ask Weiss some questions. We’ve got all week.”

Yang seemed to settle a bit at Ruby’s final words. “How much has Ruby told you about me, Weiss? She talks about you nonstop whenever we catch each other on the phone, though that doesn’t happen as often as I would like.”

“Does she now?” Weiss smirked. “Ruby hadn’t opened up too much about you until very recently. I can see now that she was nervous about protecting your privacy, and I respect her very much for doing so.”

Ruby threw a quick hug around her sister before leaning back and reclining against Weiss’s chest.

“You two are adorable,” Yang teased. “Alright. Time to address my favorite elephant in the room. Ruby, wait here. I’ve been drawing portraits again.”

Ruby squealed with delight as Yang hurried down the hall to fetch some of her more recent works. When Weiss raised an eyebrow, Ruby said, “Wait till you see her drawings, Weiss. She’s _incredible_. And if she’s going to show you portraits, that means that she already trusts you.”

“Does it now?” Weiss pondered.

Soon enough, Yang made her way back to the couch with a small folder and spread three portraits across the coffee table, each of the same peculiar woman drawn in charcoal. The woman depicted was… surreal. Weiss knew no other words to describe her.

“They’re beautiful,” Weiss breathed, gazing openly in wonder at the nearly photographic realism of each piece. It was clearly the same woman in each one, wearing similar clothing and a signature black blow atop her head. They were absolutely perfect in every way, except… “Why does she have a different face in each drawing?”

Ruby smiled in pride at her sister, who chuckled and said, “Has little Rubles told you about my wife?”

Weiss blinked in surprise. “She hasn’t. You’re married?”

Yang ruffled her baby sister’s hair when she caught her leaning too far over one of the portraits. “You little gremlin.”

“Hey!” Ruby laughed. “I didn’t want to steal your thunder.”

“So?” Weiss asked, more than a little confused.

“This is Blake,” Yang said, gesturing to the three portraits on the table. “We’ve been together since I was a little kid. And I mean ‘together’ together. I met her soon after my first real heartbreak – which happened in primary school, as unlikely as _that_ sounds – and she’s been with me ever since.”

Weiss stared in wonder at the portraits again, each with a different face. Things didn’t quite make sense yet. “How did you meet? And… why does she look so different in each picture?”

Ruby grinned with pride and wrapped an arm around Yang's shoulder for support.

“She just kinda appeared one day. I was crying. Inconsolable over my first lost love. And she just… kissed me. And I knew I would spend the rest of my life with her. She’s… I don’t want to say she’s ‘not real’ – I’ve had enough fuckin’ quacks tell me that for one lifetime – but to put it simply, she’s me. A part of me, anyway.”

“Can you explain it to me in detail?” Weiss asked. “I’m no psychologist, but if she’s this important to you, I want to know exactly who she is. I’ve gathered by this point that it will be impossible to make a proper introduction. So please, if you can tell how she… works? How she exists? I want to understand.”

Yang was stunned by Weiss’s serious request. She looked to Ruby with an indescribable look in her eyes.

“Did I ask for too much?” Weiss asked.

“No, no,” Yang said, wiping an unshed tear from her eye. She beamed at Ruby with such tremendous happiness. “She’s a keeper, Rubes.”

“I know,” Ruby smiled.

“Alright, Wiess. You know how everyone has different ego states? Different masks they wear for different people or situations?”

Weiss thought back to what little she knew about Freudian psychology. “I don’t know much about ego states, but I certainly know what you mean about acting differently around different people.”

Yang nodded. “Nobody is quite one complete person at any given time. People are complicated, and they show different sides of themselves at different times. Well, because of my illness, I characterize all of my different faces, and Blake is one of these pieces of me. I love her the most because she loves me the most.”

Weiss felt a little dazed trying to soak in the explanation. Yang spoke clearly enough, but she had never quite heard anything like it. “I thought you had a schizo-diagnosis. This sounds a little more like DID?”

With a hearty laugh, Yang agreed. “None of my alter egos ever ‘grab the reins’, so to speak. I’m Schizoaffective, not Dissociative Identity Disorder. All of this stuff about alters has nothing to do with my diagnosis, and it’s taken me most of my life to even come close to understanding it.”

Yang smiled at the air beside her and shifted a hand on the couch. “All that matters to me is that I have the best partner and that she’s always there for me when I need her most. I’m drowning in shadows day by day, and Blake is there to ground me, to soothe me, to keep my bed warm.”

“You can feel her?” Weiss asked in wonder.

“Across every perceptive sense. Sometimes her presence is faint, but on the best of days it’s almost as if she’s right there beside me.”

“That’s beautiful,” Weiss breathed. “Is she here now?” Weiss asked, eyes flicking to the empty air where Yang had smiled and then to her hand set conspicuously palm up.

Yang grinned at Weiss and then at Ruby. “She’s perceptive! I said I had the best partner—and I stand by that!” Yang interjected her own sentence and gave an expression of faux panic to the air beside her. “—but Weiss, you’re pretty damned great too.”

“Weiss is amazing,” Ruby sighed.

Weiss flushed crimson at the honest praise from the two girls.

“I’m so happy for you two,” Yang said. “I’m so glad you found each other.”

It was at that moment Taiyang came back into the room. “So, you girls figure out what you want for dinner yet?”

Ruby stared at him like a puppy caught eating an entire box of treats. “We, umm… we got distracted,” she signed,

“I was introducing Weiss to Blake,” Yang added, gesturing to the coffee table. Then, with an eager expression, “Pizza?”

Ruby’s eyes lit up and Weiss laughed.

“Pizza is fine by me,” Weiss signed to Taiyang.

“Pizza it is!” Taiyang laughed merrily as he started placing an order on his scroll.

Weiss caught Yang staring doe-eyed into the emptiness of the living room, fingers curled affectionately around an invisible hand. It was a strange sight to behold, but the adoration in the girl’s eyes was clear—it was the same look ruby gave her—one that told her in no uncertain terms that she was loved and cherished.

They had a whole week ahead of them. Weiss could sleep in with Ruby every morning, explore a world so far removed from the familiar sprawl of Atlus's concrete jungle, and, perhaps most exciting yet, spend some quality time getting to know Ruby’s family, who immediately felt more like her own family than her blood relations ever had.

Maybe she only had a week before returning to a life of academic drudgery, and her apartment with Ruby was certainly a haven from the harsher realities of life, but for the first time in her life, Weiss thought to herself…

_I’m home._


	3. Staring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby and Weiss spend the early morning watching the Mantle sunrise. When Yang joins them a little later, Weiss witnesses an episode of Yang's torment at the hands of her illness. The three girls spend the rest of their morning comforting Yang and talking things through.

Sleep had never come easier for Weiss Schnee than during her first night in Ruby’s childhood home, tucked away in a sleepy town nestled between Mantle’s coastline and countryside. The bed they shared was considerably smaller than the one they had back in Atlas, but all that meant was Ruby took the side against the wall so that her partner would have room to fidget before sleep claimed her.

It was very early in the morning – as close to dawn as one can get before the sunrise – when Weiss woke up feeling safe, warm, and completely at ease in Ruby’s old bedroom. Ruby clung to her partner almost greedily, arms behind Weiss’s back, legs tangled together intimately, mouth opened just enough to drool on Weiss’s collar.

When the two had first started sharing a bed, Weiss had been mortified when Ruby drooled on her for the first time. But since Ruby accepted her extreme restlessness, Weiss was determined to accept Ruby’s own quirks. Weiss never  _ enjoyed _ being drooled on, but she has since learned to enjoy what it means—that her partner is sleeping as soundly and peacefully as she possibly could.

Weiss feathered her fingers through Ruby’s hair, savoring the smell of roses from the girl’s favorite shampoo—another slight concession to Weiss’s wealth, as Weiss insisted on buying it for Ruby after learning that she had only ever owned one bottle, gifted to her by Yang after their mother died. Summer Rose was a florist, and during the sisters' childhoods, their mother tended a magnificent garden in their backyard, filling their house every day with fresh clippings of sunflowers and the roses of Ruby’s namesake.

When the first lights of dawn broke through Ruby’s window facing east, much the same as their bedroom back in the city, Ruby stirred in Weiss’s arms, drawing the girl from her reverie.

“Good morning,” Ruby mumbled. Then, feeling the side of her face was wet, blushed furiously against Weiss’s collar, also wet. “I was drooling again, wasn’t I?”

Weiss chuckled and kissed her love atop the crown of her head. “Good morning, Ruby. Yes, you were drooling, but you seemed so serene.” With a blush, Weiss added, “You’ve dealt with more embarrassing liquids from me in bed. A little drool is nothing.”

Ruby grinned from ear to ear at their most recent memory. “It’s totally normal, Weiss. Just because it doesn’t happen with me doesn’t mean it’s something to be ashamed of.”

“I know,” Weiss sighed. “It just… it grosses me out.”

“I think it’s super sexy,” Ruby admitted, wriggling into Weiss’s side as much to readjust as to tease her partner.

“I’m glad one of us thinks so,” Weiss laughed. “Let’s not be doing that in  _ this _ bed though.”

“No?” Ruby propped herself up on an elbow to look into Weiss’s eyes. “I can keep my voice down.”

“But I can’t,” Weiss said, averting Ruby’s playful gaze.

Sweet laughter filled Weiss’s ears. “I don’t know if I can go a whole week without a little lovin’,” Ruby joked, “But I will always respect your boundaries. I’m a woman grown—I can take care of myself.”

Weiss blushed furiously at Ruby’s implication. “If I change my mind, you’ll be the first to know. And the only one, for that matter.”

More sweet laughter. “Your comfort is more important to me than my horniness.”

“But your needs as are important to me as my own,” Weiss countered, to which Ruby could only sigh in defeat.

“One day at a time, then.” Ruby kissed her love and slowly rose from the bed.

“Are you really going to get up this early?” Weiss asked.

“Don’t we always? Don’t worry about Yang or Dad. They’re used to it. So long as we’re quiet, they’ll be just fine.”

Weiss shrugged and stood as well. “If you insist.”

“Hey, let’s make some coffee real quick and watch the sunrise out back. There’s a really comfy set of chairs out there. Ever since we moved in together, I’ve dreamed of doing our morning routine somewhere without all those buildings blocking the view.”

Weiss flashed Ruby that famous lopsided smile and they spent the rest of the morning wrapped warmly together beneath Ruby’s blanket as they watched the sun from their backyard and gazed out across the wide expanse of Mantle’s grassy plains.

Thinking about how reasonably short the drive was from the coast, Weiss couldn’t help but marvel at how much the landscape shifted during their drive inland. The Rose/Xiao Long household sat just ten minutes outside of town, surrounded on all sides by nature. While their backyard faced south towards the open expanse, to areas to the north and west were dotted with a long treeline marking the edge of a massive wooded area; to the east lay more plains and the road back to civilization.

The two girls sat together for what felt like hours. The time passed comfortably, the coolness of the air staved off by their shared blanket and each other, sitting together at a wooden table with their two unreasonably comfortable outdoor chairs pressed together at the sides.

Moments like these were what Weiss lived for. She never was one for the bustle of the city, but having finally learned what it was like to be away from it, the profound sense of quiet flooded through her. Unless Ruby had objections, as soon as the two of them were finished with their degrees, Weiss felt freshly determined to get away from Atlas. With Ruby so close to her family, and Weiss feeling so immediately at home, she wondered if her partner would object to moving back to her hometown.

She was about to ask the questions aloud  – there was no reason to keep these thoughts to herself  – but then she heard the back door clatter open. Yang made her way into view soon afterward, carrying a pad of rough, heavy paper and a small box of what Weiss could only assume be art supplies.

“Good morning, Yang,” Weiss said.

Yang perked up at the sound of her name. “Oh, good morning, Weiss! I expected Ruby to be out here, but I wasn’t sure if you would still be in bed.”

“I told you Weiss and I watch the sunrise every morning!” Ruby pouted.

“So you did. So you did,” Yang laughed. “Mind if I join you?”

Ruby looked to Weiss as if seeking permission. The older girl just laughed. “Of course not, Yang. And Ruby, you needn’t ask  _ my _ permission. This is  _ your _ home.”

Yang winked towards the couple. “We’re just considerate like that. Ruby and I were raised to treat out princesses right.”

Weiss blushed furiously at the comment as Ruby kissed her cheek.

“So what are you going to draw this morning, Yang?” Ruby looked with great eagerness towards the box of vine charcoal Yang had just popped open, lifting cover of her drawing pad to reveal a fresh sheet of paper at the very front.

“I don’t know yet,” Yang sighed. “I’m a little worried about drawing with no clear image in mind, but I’m less afraid to try knowing both of you are here.”

Weiss wondered at the comment but didn’t want to pry. “Well, I’m happy to keep you company. And I must admit I’m curious to watch you work. Are you sure you don’t mind  _ us _ here?”

There was a sadness of sorts in Yang’s eyes, though her smile was radiant. “Nah. Rubles here used to sit with me all the time while I drew. I don’t get embarrassed easily, so I’ve always enjoyed her being nearby while I worked.”

“Not even when you drew Blake  _ naked _ ,” Ruby teased. “And we’re here for you now,” she added. With that, Yang hummed and started with some simple shapes to warm up.

Ruby and Weiss watched her together with great interest. She started with cubes and spheres, shading them in different ways to portray different kinds of lighting. Then she doodled quick sketches of Ruby, which didn’t seem to bother the girl at all despite being the subject of such critical scrutiny. Weiss wondered if Yang would ever want to draw her…

When at last the first page was filled from top to bottom, Yang smiled to herself, flipped to the next page, and sat thoughtfully for a moment before setting her charcoal against the rough paper.

But that was as far as she got. Weiss felt the seconds tick by  – then entire minutes  – as Yang sat unmoving against the void of the empty page. Ruby’s brow began to furrow, seeming to understand something Weiss didn’t. Not a moment later, Weiss watched an unnatural stiffness overcome Yang, starting from her face and working its way down her body until she sat as rigid as a statue.

Weiss’s eyes grew wide with fear.  “What just happened? “Ruby?”

Ruby held Weiss’s hand tightly beneath the table. “Give her some time. She’ll come out of it.”

Looking between the statuesque Yang and Ruby’s soft gaze, filled not with worry but tremendous sadness, Weiss decided to heed her partner’s words and sat quietly. Ruby sat calmly, but with a look of unceasing consternation upon her brow. Nearly ten minutes went by before Yang slackened, startling Weiss with the sharp inhale of shuddering breath.

Ruby immediately took Yang’s hand in her own and squeezed to let her know she was there. “Welcome back, Yang.”

The blonde blinked in profound confusion. “How long was I out?”

“A lot longer than normal,” Ruby said. She turned her gaze to Weiss and wrapped her free arm around the girl’s shoulder. “Thank you for your patience.”

Weiss had no idea what to do or how to help, so she asked, “May I ask what happened? Are you okay, Yang?”

The blonde shuddered again, moving with unnerving slowness to meet Weiss’s gaze. “It was a staring spell. Not proper catatonia, but a type of seizure…”

Ruby elaborated when Yang’s voice faded. “It’s normally a type of seizure, but Yang’s been tested and her brain is ‘normal’.” Ruby paused to shudder at the term.

Yang, finding her voice again, motions still unnaturally sluggish, “My doctors say it’s some kind of stress symptom. It’s not proper catatonia because I’m still aware of myself while it’s happening. And…“

“And?” Weiss asked, morbidly curious to learn more.

“I was hallucinating. During the episode.” Yang lurched forward and covered her mouth with her hand as if she were about to gag.

“It’s okay, Yang,” Ruby said. “You’re safe with us.”

Tears welled in Yang’s eyes. “That doesn’t make it any less painful.”

“I know. Is Blake with you now?”

Yang nodded quickly before pulling away from Ruby, chest convulsing with a violent heave.

Weiss’s panic was clear in her eyes now. “Ruby, what is happening?”

Ruby looked at Weiss with the same patience and stillness as when Weiss would wake screaming. “She’s living your nightmares right now.”

Weiss was stunned. This poor girl, in the quiet and peace of such a beautiful early morning, was experiencing  _ that _ right in front of her?

Weiss took Ruby’s hand in her own, trembling in secondhand revulsion at Yang’s torment.

The blonde’s chest heaved several more times before she found her voice. “Gods, this is so embarrassing.” She laughed, but her voice was hoarse and tears fell free from her eyes. She shook with some mixture of shyness and fear before settling again. “I’m sorry you had to see that, Weiss.”

“How often does this happen to you?” Weiss asked.

“Since I moved back home? Once or twice a day. I’ve definitely been in better shape.”

“I’m surprised you froze up with Weiss sitting with us,” Ruby said.

“I was too, a little. I normally have the presence of mind to excuse myself from strange company before I let myself freeze like that.” Yang smiled at Weiss, this time with true warmth. “I guess you really are family already.”

Weiss had no idea how to respond. So instead, she asked, “Ruby said you were living my nightmares. Has she told you about them?”

Yang’s eyes darkened, her smile fading. “She has. I am so sorry you have to go through that, Weiss.”

“My suffering must be nothing compared to what you endure every day,” Weiss breathed.

Yang’s smiled returned. She chuckled at Weiss’s sympathy. “I’ve learned long ago that it’s not a competition. Each of us suffer in our own ways. It’s a part of being human. Do you mind if I talk to you about what just happened?” Yang directed this question at Weiss specifically. “I’m feeling really anxious after the hallucinations and I’ll feel a little more at ease if I can talk it through.”

“It's up to you, Weiss. You can head inside if you’re not comfortable.” Ruby smoothed her thumb over the back of Weiss’s hand. “I can stay out here with Yang until she’s ready to come back in.”

“No,” Weiss said, her voice determined. “I may have my own problems, but if you consider me to be family, Yang, then I’m here to support you. Because that’s what family does.”

Yang’s eyes welled up with tears of gratitude. Ruby’s as well, though hers were also mixed with clear notes of pride.

“Okay,” Yang said. “So the warmups went well enough. I felt really good drawing the simple shapes, and it’s been way too long since I’ve been able to sketch dear Rubles.” Yang reached out and ruffled her sister’s hair before continuing. “But once I got to the next page, I just froze. I no longer had a direction or a purpose—I mentioned that earlier. This is what sometimes happens when I sit down to draw without knowing what I want to see. Other times I draw without realizing it. Body horror and all sorts of sickening things.”

Weiss gulped. “And… your hallucinations?”

Yang gazed meaningfully at Weiss and reached out to set her hand atop hers and Ruby’s. “It was a hallucination of sexual assault. I felt hands groping all about my body, touching me in ways I only allow Blake to touch me. And when I covered my mouth with my hand…” Yang sighed heavily, shoulders slumping. “It was because I felt as if someone was trying to shove a cock down my throat.”

Weiss gasped in horror. Tears instantly fell across her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Yang.” Silence settled across the table for a few moments before Weiss broke it with a request: “May I hug you?”

Yang half laughed, half sobbed and nearly fell forward into Weiss's open arms. The blonde trembled against Weiss's embrace as they held each other for several long moments, Ruby smiling with such love at her two favorite people supporting each other.

“You give some damned good hugs.” Yang smiled when they parted.

“Weiss gives the  _ best _ damned hugs,” Ruby said, the pride in her voice unmistakable.

Upon hearing the words, Weiss leaned down to give Ruby a hug as well. Ruby planted a brief, chaste kiss upon her partner’s lips before letting her take her seat once again.

“Do you know why you have those hallucinations, Yang?”

“Huh?” Yang wasn’t expecting that question.

“I mean, do you have a history of… of…”

“I’ve never been raped if that’s what you’re asking.”

The bluntness of Yang’s answer made Weiss flinch. Ruby seemed less affected, but the weight of the conversation was starting to show in the dullness of her eyes.

“Well, there was certainly that, but there can be other reasons for it.”

“Oh?” Yang propped her elbow on the table and leaned forward, curiosity piqued.

“I started therapy recently at Ruby’s behest. It’s been difficult, but my therapist seems knowledgeable enough. And  _ very _ far removed from the personality I had expected from a psychologist.”

“He’s fantastic!” Ruby cut in. “He swears like a sailor and has all of these great stories to help clarify his psychobabble!”

“He certainly is a character,” Weiss laughed. “Ruby has been going in with me for the first several appointments while I get to know him. Anyway, Ruby and I had been wondering for a long time whether Jacques – my father – might have abused me when I was a child. Since I have no memory of any actual trauma, Dr. Trenton had a different idea, and I wonder if it could make sense for you as well.”

Yang leaned even further forward, eyes keenly fixed to Weiss’s. “I’m listening.”

Ruby’s eyes lit again, knowing how much peace it brought Yang to be able to rationalize away the lingering sensations of her worst experiences.

“So I may never have been abused physically—”

“Except when he hit you.” Ruby couldn’t help herself interrupting that time.

“—Right, but never to my knowledge sexually. But he has lied to me all my life. Pushed me around and bullied me. He raised me to be his perfect little puppet. The important point is that I never had any sense of agency growing up. Nothing I did or experienced was ever graced by my consent. So with that in mind, Dr. Trenton wondered  – in his ever so delicate tongue  – if it was a metaphorical mindfuck.”

“Or literal, in my case,” Yang laughed.

Weiss cracked a smile despite herself.

“I like that, actually. It makes a lot of sense. My illness fucks with me all the time. Why wouldn’t it try to  _ actually  _ fuck me while it’s being awful? Speaking of therapy…”

Yang sat up straighter and looked at Ruby.

“I’m sorry, Ruby. I got myself into trouble because I stopped seeing my shrink. I still see my psychiatrist, of course, and I’m compliant with all of my medications, but I thought I was doing well enough that I could let go of the therapy since it was always such a hassle.”

The look of quiet devastation on Ruby’s face told Weiss everything.

“Yang, you know you need to check in with someone regularly…”

“I know,” Yang said. She lowered her gaze from Ruby’s—couldn’t stand the way the light in her eyes faded as she spoke. “I’m starting therapy again in two weeks. It took a while to get myself back on the schedule, but I’ve got the same doc so we can pick up right where we left off. And as much as I don’t like it, I’m going to do weekly appointments from now on instead of every two. I asked Dad to let me stay with him until I felt ready to go back out on my own.”

Yang flashed her sister a confident grin. “I may be down, Ruby, but I’m not out just yet. You and Dad have supported me all my life, doing your best to help me gain some autonomy for myself. I scared myself shitless with my stupid mistake, but if I let this stop me, then I’m failing everyone.

“Yang…” Ruby was crying softly. She breathed her sister’s name as if the wind threatened to steal it from her.

“I love all the world, Ruby, but you’re my only sister. No one can replace you.”

“No one can replace  _ you, _ you dummy!” Ruby was on her feet in an instant, nearly throwing herself into Yang’s embrace. “Please… take care of yourself. I don’t know what I’d do if we lost you.”

Weiss walked around the table to settle one hand in Ruby’s hair and the other on Yang’s shoulder. “Don’t you dare die on us, Yang. I know we just met, but you and Tai are the best family I’ve ever known. I already lost one family, though I’m better off without them. I’m not ready to lose another.”

Yang sniffled and reached out to pull Weiss into the hug. The three of them stood quietly together, each sobbing and holding on to each other for dear life.

Yang had no idea how much she needed to hear Weiss’s words until they were spoken. Ruby was heartbroken that Yang hadn’t reached out to her while she was suffering so terribly. And Weiss? For some strange reason, Weiss had never been more grateful to be alive than at that moment.

She had never told Ruby directly, but she knew the girl understood: Thoughts of self-harm and suicide were not new to her. She intimated as much when Ruby told her about Yang’s own attempt. Now wasn’t the time to share such things aloud, but she would make damned certain to raise the topic when next they went to see Dr. Trenton.

For now, Weiss contented herself to hold and be held by the light of her life and the beautiful, tortured woman she now loved as a sister.


	4. Interlude: Maelstrom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake spends an evening staring into the night sky above the plains of Mantle, wishing desperately that Blake was not as far away as the stars.

She didn’t know what to say or how to feel,  
So she just laid beneath the stars and cried.

Too many nights passed by like this, with  
Yang wishing there was something she  
Could hold onto. A hand, a shoulder,

_“Or hips?” Blake whispered in her ear._  
_“The stars are not the only things_  
_Beyond our reach tonight.”_

More tears fell from Yang’s eyes,  
Brilliant lilac facing deep amber.

She was so close, so very close…  
If Yang focused hard enough,  
Maybe she could pull Blake down

_And kiss her, warm lips at last_  
_Meeting with sultry, soulful tears.  
The world spun in their shared_

Vertigo. Yang’s mind was on fire  
As she clung desperately to

Her partner, the maelstrom  
Of invasive thoughts welling up.  
Yang ignored all of the colors,

_The feeling of being tossed about_  
_In the ocean, of being underwater,  
Of not being able to breathe._

Because kissing Blake was breathing.  
Kissing Blake was life itself.

Yang felt hands roam across her sides,  
Felt wisps of ebony hair tickle her cheeks.  
Blake was suddenly so vivid, so present,

_That neither of them cared when they_  
_Lost track of whose thoughts began with whom._


End file.
